I’ve learned a secret. It is seriously the best secret and I hope I can adequately explain it. Over the last couple of weeks I have tried to not worry about my phone. “Yeah, yeah. We’ve all heard that one Ry.”….No. Listen. I learned something about myself. Something that took me a little by surprise. And I think it’s something that might hold true for you too.

Sure when I don’t check social media, I am more present and the mom/wife I want to be, but even without social media apps I was constantly checking something on my phone. I was checking time. It became so apparent to me how often I would pick up my phone to check the time. It was a natural reaction, almost an impulse. I would go so far as to call this obsession an epidemic. They say time is “relative”, although this is true, we as Americans, are currently obsessed with productivity, progress and increase. So much so that we tend to think we have to be “busy” every minute of the day in order to lead a successful life. When in actuality the opposite might hold true.

I was shocked that I couldn’t help but subconsciously be thinking things such as, “We are running out of time. We have to hurry! We have to be out of the house in 10 minutes. We have to get back in one hour…. blah, blah, blah.” Then this simple question popped into my head, “Why?” So you know naturally I argued back to my inner voice, “Well if the girls don’t put their shoes on in under five minutes, we probably won’t ever leave the house the entire day because we are already starting so far behind. If we don’t hurry and get out the door right now we will be umm…. late to the uh… the park?”

My dad used the words, “High strung” to describe me the other day and it stuck with me. He wasn’t trying to be rude, #truth, but man it bothered me. Was I really high strung? The answer was yes. I’ve always been a “schedule person”. I like my schedules, and you know what, I don’t think that’s the problem here. Here’s the problem, I get “stressed” “anxious” “high strung”, whatever you want to call it because I’m constantly checking the time. I am constantly making up deadlines that don’t have to be there, in fact most often they don’t actually exist. Ultimately I’m stressed before my day has even begun because I’m telling myself everything I “should” be doing each moment of the day prior to my head ever leaving the pillow in the morning.

Ready for the secret? There are only a few things I actually have time commitments to in a day. On my “busy” days there are usually only two time commitment slots. Seriously, like Thursday’s are “busy” because I have karate at 11:45am and gymnastics at 6:30pm. So here’s what you do. You never worry about the time, apart from the few time commitments you actually have. Sounds simple right? But I dare you to start noticing how much you look at the time on your phone or watch, and think, “Does it actually matter?” Without looking at my phone my girls still somehow manage to eventually get their shoes on, we somehow get them all buckled in the car, drive to our destination, and remarkably still get there on time. For someone who is notoriously late to things, let me tell you this, ironically since I stopped “worrying” about time, I am more on time.

Here’s what I discovered, my unconscious obsession with time was ultimately stealing my peace. It stole my peace by creating stress and anxiety that didn’t have to be there. Not only did it do this to me, but to my entire family. My four year old would start to “freak out” every time I told her to “hurry!” as if she actually thought I would leave her, and my three year old would stress that she couldn’t put on her shoes quick enough. I suddenly realized how I subconsciously created a home of fear and anxiety because of my obsession with time. Of course my three year old could take 5+ minutes to put on her shoes all by herself. Of course my four year old could independently clothe herself before leaving the house. These things are not only rights of passage for my children, but they should be patiently encouraged and praised! What anxiety and stress I created for myself, was clearly being passed onto my children through me.

So here’s how you do it. You don’t check the time at all until you have the one, two or three specific time commitments of the day. If you need to set at alarm for your two things then do it, but guess what, it turns out there are a lot of hours in the day! There is plenty of time to do everything that actually needs to be done. Here is what happens, when you are not so worried about time, you are now open to stillness. You are now open to receive revelation. You are now present enough to notice the neighbor that has been struggling. You are now open to recognize the stranger in passing that is having a rough day. You are now available to stop worrying about yourself, and to start seeing others as they are. Ultimately, You are now available to hear and see what God needs you to do that day, and everything else that doesn’t matter falls out of your day. It’s truly magic. I share this with you because I have been a “high strung” person probably for my entire life. This simple step for me to not worry about “time” has helped me with anxiety and brought me more peace than anything else ever has (well this and reading the book, Essentialism by Greg McKeown). It is such a simple concept, but what you will find is that your ability to be still, live in the present, and to feel peace will increase as you give up your obsession with time.

I can still be a “schedule person”, that’s not really the point. I still know that after lunch I need to lay the baby down for a nap, but does it actually have to be at 1:30pm every day? No, somehow even with me not checking the time all of my girls needs are still met. The remarkable thing is, I am now available to delight in the journey of my daughter experimenting with tying her shoes. I am now available to tickle and chase my giggling one year old as we get ready to go to the car. I am now available to cheer on my three year old as she tries to independently buckle herself. So next time you check the time, ask yourself, “Why? Does it actually matter?”